The Birthday Massacre- written by Stephanie
March 3, 2006
The Birthday
Massacre @ The
Avalon, Salt Lake
City, Utah
W/ Special
Guests:
Schoolyard
Heroes
Local Opening Acts: Funeral March for a Marionette, Basic Accomplishment

As the tickets stated that doors would open at 6:30pm, Red and I arrived at 7pm because nothing ever starts on time. We were right.
If it hadn’t been so frigid cold, we would have stood outside smoking more, but, as it was, we spent most of the time sitting and
chatting amongst ourselves. Finally, at 7:50pm, the first local opener stepped up to the mic on stage and, while apologizing profusely
for the delay, announced that they were now ready to play.

I couldn’t tell just from looking at them what kind of music to expect. The vocalist was dressed in darling emo fashion (down to the
haircut), while the guitarists looked like they had stepped off a 1980’s back issue of Metal Sludge, and the other band members didn’t
fit into either of those categories. I don’t think I was the only one in the audience who was confused at that point, especially when the
vocalist muttered something into the mic that I assume was a song title, and with the first hit of a cymbal, tilted his head back and let
out a loud, death-metal-ish, growling howl. The small crowd of people attending looked at each other with confused, wide eyes: “Was
this really coming out of Emo-boy?”

The first three songs he mumbled an apology before mumbling the song title. We asked around and no one knew the name of the
band, we yelled out in between songs “WHO ARE YOU?” and didn’t receive an answer until the introduction of the third song. Rule
number one, kids, especially if you are a local opener you might want to make sure that your audience knows who the hell you are.

Funeral March for a Marionette played for about 20 minutes. All in all the music wasn’t half-bad. They performed quite tighter than
expected for a local band, but there was something ‘off’ about their style. I haven’t been able to quite place if the vocals were a bit
heavier than the music, or if it was the lack of continuity between the member’s appearances, but the whole ensemble just seemed out
of order.

After their set, it was time for a quick cigarette as the next band loaded in. We talked amongst other smokers for their opinions. One
person said, “There were like… three times during one particular song that I kept thinking it was over, but then they just kept playing.
It was like the whole set was one song.” Another person commented, “It was like the vocalist of Porno For Pyros trying to sing
Morbid Angel.” It was pretty obvious that we weren’t the only ones who weren’t impressed.

The next band to perform was a three-piece who called themselves Basic Accomplishment. Now, I actually enjoy most emo-pop-
punk, but this was really not the place for this group to perform, considering they were just following a band with a more metal
themed style.






























With that being said, I am sad to say that I actually got up and left during the third song by Schoolyard Heroes. I absolutely could not
take it anymore and a cigarette became more than top priority at that point. But I certainly was not alone in this venture as soon the
outside of the building held what was possibly more than the head count inside.

I don’t know how to describe this performance. I am truly at a loss. Perhaps the best way I could sum it up is, imagine Yoko Ono
screeching along to Slipknot-esque metal and then randomly breaking out into operatic breakdowns in places of the song where you
weren’t even anticipating a breakdown. Absolutely awful.

So we stood outside smoking and bitching, only to greet the taxi that was delivering the member’s of The Birthday Massacre. We
were glad to see them and, really, relieved that they showed up because they were our only hope for saving the night. We grabbed
Rainbow first, chatted him up a bit, and then introduced him to Damian. He was more than happy to pose with him and I believe the
feeling was mutual.

The Birthday Massacre went on stage at 10pm after the longest 3 hours of my life, but to say it was worth it would be a complete
understatement. I went into this show liking a couple of their songs and thinking they were an ‘alright’ band. I came out of this show
completely enthralled and wanting to see their live show again and again. THEIR CD’S DO NOT DO THEM JUSTICE. They were
absolutely incredible live. Chibi’s vocals were clear, in time, on key, and just brilliant. The band played in perfect unison and were
positively mesmerizing. I could not believe that this was the same band I had just heard on CD in the car a few hours earlier.

Chibi would take a minute or so between songs to chat with the
crowd and it was great to get a taste of her personality. At one point
during the set, there was a technical issue with the drums. Rhim
hopped off the kit and did some adjusting as Chibi asked, fully
concerned, “Is everything ok?” Rhim gave her a great big hug and
Chibi cooed into the mic, while petting him, “Aww everything will be
ok.” At that moment O-en wanted in and he ran over to embrace
them both. She continued to coo “Aw see? Everything’s ok” while
suddenly other band members started running around hugging each
other. We were laughing our asses off as Chibi tapped her mic and
announced, “Ok focus people. Focusss…” It was really entertaining
and the crowd loved every minute of it, totally bonding with the band
and cheering as the boys got in one last hug before running back to
their respective places.

I can’t wait to catch another performance and neither should you.
If you see The Birthday Massacre coming to your hometown run,
don’t walk, to get your tickets. Even if every opening band sucks,
The Birthday Massacre make any show a five star concert.
The crowd had grown slightly and all the gothic kids seemed to be a sea
of confused faces. Like they weren’t sure how to respond to such
upbeat rhythms and off-the-wall lyrics. The primary vocalist tried his
best to interact with the cluster of people in front of him, but I just don’t
think they were having it. A small group of people actually lay down on
the cement to pass the time. I just don’t think they were prepared for
lyrics like “I’m putting my heart back together with Elmer’s glue”.
Definitely not the right band for this concert.

Overall, even though I can be a fan of this type of style and genre, I
wasn’t impressed with this band either. The music was very reminiscent
of Sum 41, with lyrics that were closer to Yellowcard. It didn’t seem to
mesh quite well and the vocals, to put it frankly, were terrible. One didn’t
sound any better than the either and both of them together wasn’t any
less painful. Bottom line? Keep working on it.

Next up was Schoolyard Heroes. We heard a few people talking about
how these guys were supposed to be really good, and since they are
touring with The Birthday Massacre, we expected a lot out of them.
Someone had to save the show at this point.

I’d like to interrupt the review for a moment, to tell the readers that I
never leave a performance. It’s disruptive to the musicians on stage and
inconsiderate. I don’t talk during performances or get involved in
something else that could be distracting for the artists because, hey, you
try getting up on stage and entertaining a room full of strangers. It’s hard
work and I like to give them the respect that musicians deserve.